It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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