pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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