we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
