At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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