In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
