You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize