I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
