I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
