I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
