He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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