The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
