wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
