this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
