I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
