I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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