I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
