I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
