I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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