I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
