you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
