she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
