mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
