I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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