i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
