just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
