He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
time to smoke my breakfast
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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