You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
