u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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