Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
