I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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