i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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