Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you mean i was at the winter classic?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
