i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
