I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
