I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
