There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
