omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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