Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
