loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
