I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
