I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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