but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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