If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
