He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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