Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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