Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
