I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
