I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
