Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Blood and glitter go together right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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