I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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