i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
