like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
