i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
