I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
