Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize