you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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