I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
