also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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