You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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