Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
