two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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