so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize