You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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