OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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