I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
