I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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