hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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