Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
