Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
