We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Floor bacon is actually really good
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
