i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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