Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
