I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
