I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
