i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
