Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
