I am spending my child support on dildos
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
