And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
