Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
