Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
