i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
