when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
