We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
