quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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