Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
