Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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