Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
