Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
