Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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