i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
