Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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