I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
