i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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